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I figured I’d write a quick update since I haven’t written much lately, but there isn’t much going on.

Since my most recent infertility fiasco I’ve been struggling with deciding what to do next. My infertility clinic has send me a schedule for a February FET. This schedule included a rather lengthy stint on a drug I really don’t want to revisit: Lupron. I had a month-long, horrible, never-ending headache while taking it. I also noticed blurry vision while taking it. For a person who’s already legally blind, this is a really alarming side effect. The headache and blurry vision went away about a week after finishing the medication, but I still have one particularly annoying side effect from Lupron. Tiny little pinprick-sized flashes of light every once in a while. It looks like a tiny flashbulb going off in my field of vision. It’s very fast and comes and goes in half a second, but it’s startling and distracting, and I’ve been off Lupron since August. I told my clinic that I didn’t want to take Lupron again and my doctor seemed fine with that but the nurse who writes the protocols basically told me Lupron’s a necessity, and I acquiesced. However, after lots of thinking, I’ve decided to put my foot down. My husband and I want kids, but not at the expense of my vision.

I know there are protocols that don’t include Lurpon. My first IVF cycle didn’t use it. However, that cycle was unsuccessful, and my second cycle used Lupron and did result in a pregnancy, albeit a non-viable one. I just don’t know what to do now.

My thought right now is to just go along with acupuncture and herbs for now since it actually might have had some positive results, considering I wasn’t undergoing any infertility treatment except acupuncture when I got pregnant (the second time) in September. But since it didn’t work last month (the first time we could try again since the D&C) I’m doubting that choice too, which is silly; I know that. But I’m impatient. And I don’t know what the right answer is.

Maybe I’m not supposed to have kids. Maybe I’m stupidly ignoring all these huge clues from the universe.

What next?

How am I supposed to know the right answer?

I haven’t written anything in a while because there hasn’t been much to report regarding my infertility treatments, and with the holidays coming I’ve been busy with other stuff. But I did have my D&C on November 9th. The doctor found some placenta left in my uterus, so he removed it and sent it off to pathology for a biopsy. I haven’t heard anything back yet. If I haven’t heard anything by the end of next week I plan to give them a call. I also had blood work done a couple weeks ago for recurrent miscarriage. I’m very interested in hearing the results. My gut has always told me I have something more going on than just endometriosis, but I’m more than happy to be wrong about that.

We were scheduled to do a FET in January, but I think it would be a good idea to wait for my test results. So we’re holding off on that for a bit. We’ll try on our own for a few months in the meantime. I always go back and forth about waiting or trying on our own for an extended amount of time. I always worry about losing my one and only remaining ovary to adhesions or cysts caused by my Stage IV endometriosis. I also wonder if I should try another cycle or two of IVF before I use my frozen embryos. IVF is exponentially more expensive than a frozen embryo transfer, but I have the security of knowing if something happens to my ovary that there’s always these embryos waiting to be transferred. But the embryos might not take. I’ve had five embryos transferred and only one took, and that was only for a short time. I just don’t know which path is best. I’m sort of thinking a three-cycle IVF package might be good if I can freeze embryos from the first two rounds and have the embryos from the third round for a fresh transfer. I guess I’ll have to check into my clinic’s policy regarding that. *makes note to self*

Of course it totally annoys me that I didn’t just get the three-cycle IVF package to begin with, considering I’ve had two failed cycles thus far, and those cycles produced a total of seven embryos, five of which have been transferred so far.

While I wait for my results I will continue seeing my acupuncturist for infertility treatment. After my first failed pregnancy, my acupuncturist started me on some Chinese herbs and two weeks later I was pregnant again, so it’s either a huge coincidence (like super-mega huge, considering I’d never gotten pregnant on my own in seven years of marriage)  or there really is something about those herbs. I’m back on them now, so we’ll see.

Anyway, I’ll post my results from the blood work and the biopsy when I get them.